Questions & Answers!

Page 6

Visit Page 1, Visit Page 2, Visit Page 3, Visit Page 4, Visit Page 5, Visit Page 7, Visit Page 8

Visit Page 9, Visit Page 10, Visit Page 11, Visit Page 12, Visit Page 13, Visit Page 14

Welcome to our Questions & Answers page. Our question submission form is on our home page.   We are eager to hear from you! As our readers submit questions regarding behavior charts, parenting or tackling tricky behaviors, we will have them available on our question pages for you to read. We can all learn a thing or two from each other!  Just click on the question topic below to jump to that specific question!  Remember that our response to you will be limited if you don't share enough information.  Note: We cannot answer questions thoroughly or make up appropriate charts for you if we don't have enough information about your situation.  We may email back a request for further information and if we don't receive an answer, we will either opt out of answering your question or answer it the best we can with the information provided.  We will post most answered questions on our website and may post some in our monthly newsletter. We may correct grammar/spelling to make your question more readable on our website. 

(Disclaimer: The information on freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com is for educational purposes only and should not be considered to be medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of a health care provider. All advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a visit to your health care provider.)

Two-Year Old Aggressive Behavior

I have a two year old boy. I am a working mother. He is very aggressive.  He bites and pinches people at home.  When we are out with him at a park he gets restless and impatient. Plz help me manage his behaviour.  -Sheetal, India

Sheetal,

Your son is at an age where this type of behavior is very normal and can be expected.  Between the ages of 1-3 years old, children can pose some challenging behaviors for parents.  At this stage, children may show negative behaviors such as frequently saying ?no?, aggressive behavior, and temper tantrums.  Children may bite, hit, and show other types of physical aggression toward children and adults. 

Why are kids so aggressive at this age?  First, language skills are limited during toddler years so children are still having difficulty expressing themselves.  They may know some words but not others.  Due to frustration, kids may act out.  This may take the form of biting or hitting if the child doesn't get his way.  In addition, at this stage, children are becoming more independent and starting to make decisions for themselves.  They want to be in control, but they want to please their parents.  When this conflict occurs, it causes intense emotions which may be displayed as aggressive behavior and tantrums. 

Sheetal, your child is completely normal.  He is behaving in ways that are developmentally appropriate for his age.   Here are some tips for managing his behavior:

• First and foremost, use time-outs to manage the pinching and biting behaviors.   Time-outs can be tricky at this age.  Kids are normally energetic and have difficulty sitting anyway, so be realistic when giving the time-out.  When you see a behavior that you don't like, give him the choice to stop the behavior or take a time-out.  If he has not taken a time-out before, you can do the time-out with him to help demonstrate.  If it's his first time-out, take him to a quiet spot and sit with him in your lap.  While sitting, you may tell him that pinching is not o.k., and he needs to stop.  After about 30 seconds or so, redirect him to another activity and that's that.  He is too young to understand too much explanation regarding his behavior, so don't go on and on about the incident.  Make it short and effective. 

The next time that he takes a time-out, again give him a choice to stop or take a time-out.  Take his hand and walk him to a quiet place while telling him that he needs to take a time out.  Sit him down again for about 30 seconds.  If he knows a little song or his letters, he can say his letters once or sing his song while in time-out.  When done, redirect him to another activity.  You can check out our article on giving consequences to young kids and toddlers.  We also have an article on giving time-outs though the technique discussed is best used with ages 3 and older, and effective discipline for 2-year-olds. 

• Next, make sure that your child has a regular routine of meals and napping.  Often times, a child acts out because he is tired or hungry.  Try to minimize this possibility.  Remember that some of his impatience at the park may be because he is tired or hungry but cannot effectively communicate this.  Also, you may want to vary his activities.  He may be bored at the park or need some different stimulation, especially if he is bright.  Keep in mind that especially bright children may have a more difficult time during this stage as they may become especially frustrated when they cannot communicate their desires. 
• Give your son choices when you can.  He is trying to express his independence and choices will help him feel a sense of control in life.  For example, you might ask him, "Do you want some raisins or a banana?"  This way, you are not always making choices for him! 
• Don't forget to stay consistent when setting limits.  Inconsistency will confuse your son and may cause him to act out even more. 
• Don't get into power struggles with your son.   This will only make the situation worse and your anger will just fuel his! 
• Remember to praise him when you see him doing something good.  Don't get caught in a cycle of only noticing negative behaviors.  Kids respond wonderfully to positive words!

Child Always Responding With "No"

If your child is not doing what they are asked..and they are just always ( continually) saying no...what do I do or say? -Jessica, ON Canada

Jessica,

If your child continually says "no" then it's working for him (or her).  Children continue to try behaviors that are successful.  So, if your child gets the result she wants by saying no to you, then she will continue to say no until it stops working.  Your job is to make it stop working. 

First, you can try using "choice words" when you make a request.  Choice words involve giving your child a choice of when or how he will complete his task.  For example, instead of saying, "Take out the garbage now", you might say, "You can take out the garbage before or after dinner-what will it be?"  Here's another example:  "You can walk the dog before school or after school, what would you prefer?"  In this way, you are not inviting a "no" response but instead an alternative answer.  You can also try asking your child to complete a task in a specified time period.  You might say, "Will you pick up your clothes some time before bed?"  You're avoiding a "no" response and putting the responsibility on the child to decide when to do the task. 

In addition, you can set up a chore chart.  You can find some on this page for character charts or this page for other chore charts.  List tasks that you would like your child to complete and set up some type of weekly reward.  It's important to let your child help set up the chore chart.  Kids often enjoy the process and feel some control with the chart. If she doesn't complete the chore, she doesn't get the reward.

You can also help your child use other words to express his feelings instead of "no".  Let's say your child is watching TV, and you ask him to turn off the TV and get ready for dinner.  He says, "no".  At this point, you can interpret the "no" for him.  After he says, "no", you might say, "So you don't want to stop watching TV right now?"  This will generate further discussion and give you time to cool down before a battle begins over the ?no? response.  Your child may say, "Yes, I like this show," and then you can continue to have dialogue about the options involved.  By trying to interpret what your child's "no" means, you will be teaching him some other responses to give you instead of no.  "No" invokes conflict but, "I'm really enjoying the show" does not! 

If all else fails, you can set up a behavior chart to single out this one behavior.  Check out some of our single behavior charts.  You can name the behavior "giving a negative response" or "saying no".  Set up a reward for your child if she goes through the day without giving a negative response to you.  If you target this one behavior, you may help her get in the habit using alternative responses to no.

As we always say here at Free Printable Behavior Charts, catch your child being good!  When you hear your child give a positive response, note it.  Tell her that you like how she gave a positive response instead of "no". Use some of our "Caught You" Coupons to reinforce her positive behavior. She will enjoy the positive feedback, and she will be encouraged to continue trying positive responses. 

Best  of luck!

Five-year-old Not Listening

My 5 year old girl does not listen at all. She wants to do whatever she wants. She is not patient at all. She does not like to share. When I tell her to clean up she gets very upset. She answers me back with an attitude. What ideas or tips can you show me so that she could learn to respect me?  -Martha, NY

Martha,

It sounds like you're having some challenges with your daughter. At the age of five, children are becoming more independent.  A child's independence may also translate into increased testing of adults.  At five, kids may disobey adults just to see what type of response they receive.  That's why it's especially important to remain consistent with your discipline techniques. 

Younger kids respond well to structure.  Behavior charts/chore charts can be effective techniques with this young age.  To reinforce behaviors that you would like to see in your daughter, set up a behavior chart.  As she is younger, don't overwhelm her with too many expectations at once.  You can focus on one or two behaviors at a time.  For example, you mentioned sharing and listening as two behaviors that you would like her to improve.  You can set up a single behavior chart just for listening/following directions.  A child of her age would respond well to one of our single behavior charts here.  These are very cute and appropriate for her age.  Every time your daughter follows your directions, you can have her mark a spot on the chart by either coloring it or placing a sticker on it.  When the chart marks are filled up, you can give her a larger reward.  Check out some of our reward ideas for kids here.  And, when your daughter doesn't follow directions, you can simply say, ?I guess I can't mark your chart because you didn't follow directions?.  Let it go at that. You can also set up a separate chart for sharing. 

In addition, you can set up a chore chart for daily expectations.  You can find some cute chore charts with characters here.  If you would like your daughter to clean up every day, you can list this duty on a chore chart and reward her at the end of the week for doing a good job.  Since your daughter is only five, don't expect perfection.  Five year olds need guidance, have lots of energy, and may get off task easily.  For instance, give her a reward if she fills in 4 out of 7 days.   Also, be creative when getting your child to clean up.  You can make it into a game.  Stay with her to provide support and guidance.  See our article on Getting Kids To Do Chores.  You can get some additional tips on using behavior charts here. 

Regarding gaining respect from your daughter, remember that respect is earned.  We have answered another question from a parent here about gaining respect.  Look at our answer to get some tips. To review, parents need to role model respect.  Be aware of how you are responding to your daughter when she does not listen or gives you an attitude.  If you are getting into power struggles with her, getting angry, and giving attitude back, you are not demonstrating control and respect.  You are teaching your daughter how to be disrespectful. 

By staying calm and setting clear and consistent limits, you are maintaining a respectful manner.  If you find your buttons are being pushed, take a break from the situation.  Let your daughter know that you need to take a time-out and cool down.  Then, take some time for yourself until you can talk with your daughter calmly.  And use the same technique to help your daughter manage her anger.  Have her take some time to calm down if she is too agitated to behave appropriately.  Here is a wonderful article about giving time-outs. 

All too often parents forget to praise children when they are doing the right thing.  Catch your daughter being good!  Give her positive feedback.  Let her know when you see her behaving.  Positive feedback is powerful and may be enough to help motivate your daughter to change her behavior. 

Best of luck and let us know if we can help in any other ways.  Don't forget that we are happy to make up a custom chart for free if you don'tff see what you need on our website! 

Just want a behavior chart to help with some structure and to instill boundaries. Thank you. -Dana, CA

Dana,

How much are the charts? -Vicky, England

Vicky,

Thank you so much for visiting our website! Our charts are free to print off. And, if you would like a special character on a chart or a chart to target a specific behavior, we can make that up for you free of charge, too.

<Back To Questions and Answers Page 1

Search the web for more parenting information!