Sibling Rivalry

How to Avoid Conflicts and Teach Kids Healthy Coping Mechanisms:
 

• Teach your kids healthy communication and coping skills during everyday routines. Teaching your kids to use "I statements" is productive.  For example, your child might say to a sibling, "When you call me names I feel angry," instead of merely yelling or striking out during a conflict.  Positive communication skills will come in handy with friends, teachers, parents, and other people in your child's life. The book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk  is a great resource while teaching kids about "I" statements.  It's been around for a long time and valued by parents and teachers alike. 

   

• Have clear consequences set up. For example, name calling might be 10 minutes off television time or hitting is a time-out. In addition, use a behavior chart to structure positive rewards.  Have some incentives set up for acceptable behavior.  Check out some of our free behavior charts and read our article on Using Behavior Charts to help get you started! We also have a specific chart for getting along with siblings.
   

• Be a good role model for your children.  Resolve your own conflicts in healthy ways.  Yelling and fighting with a spouse or family member may cause children to model that behavior.
   

• Avoid comparing your children. This will only set the stage for future rivalry.
   

• Be aware of patterns in your children's behavior. Is there a time of day when conflicts often arise? Is there a consistent cause of conflict? For example, do your kids have a fight every day over which television shows to watch? Pay close attention to your children's behavior and intervene before a problem arises. Help your kids develop resolutions before they are in the heat of a battle.
   

• Nurture your children's relationships with each other and give them positive feedback.  As always, catch them being good.  When your kids are getting along, let them know you appreciate their positive behavior

*If your kid's behavior is continues to be challenging, you can check out a free trial of a great program called The Total Transformation to get a handle on difficult behavior.  It's developed by James Lehman, MSW, who has worked for years with troubled teens and children!

Stop the Bad Behavior
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