Questions & Answers!

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Welcome to our Questions & Answers page. Our question submission form is on our home page.   We are eager to hear from you! As our readers submit questions regarding behavior charts, parenting or tackling tricky behaviors, we will have them available on our question pages for you to read. We can all learn a thing or two from each other!  Just click on the question topic below to jump to that specific question!  Remember that our response to you will be limited if you don't share enough information.  Note: We cannot answer questions thoroughly or make up appropriate charts for you if we don't have enough information about your situation.  We may email back a request for further information and if we don't receive an answer, we will either opt out of answering your question or answer it the best we can with the information provided.  We will post most answered questions on our website and may post some in our monthly newsletter. We may correct grammar/spelling to make your question more readable on our website. 

(Disclaimer: The information on freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com is for educational purposes only and should not be considered to be medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of a health care provider. All advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a visit to your health care provider.)

How To Stop Whining Behavior

How do I get my son to stop whining or at least slow down ?                                            -Brian & Joanne, Canada

Joanne & Brian,

Whining is a successful strategy for kids when they are rewarded for their efforts. The first question to ask yourself is, ?Does my son get what he wants when he whines??  You might want to keep a written record of the events surrounding his whining so you know how to better tackle the problem. Take note of when he is whining, why he is whining, and what happens as a result of his whining. Ask yourself some questions. Is his whining brought on by hunger or exhaustion? Does his whining happen at the same time every day? How do we act when he whines? What rewards does he get by whining?
 

Whining can begin when a child is sleepy or hungry. If that is the case, take some preventative measures to make sure that your son's needs are met before the whining begins. Does he need to eat a small snack between meals or go to bed earlier? Ask yourself these questions if you think that his whining is tied in with basic needs.

Whining can also be an attempt to get attention. Have you been busier than usual? Does your son need some extra attention right now? Have there been any changes in the family that would cause him to feel left out? If this is the case, make some special one on one time for a favorite activity. When kids feel that they need attention, they will get it anyway they can-negatively or positively!
 

Next, take a look at your own behavior. When your son whines, how do you handle it? Do you calmly state your expectations or do you become drawn into the moment and argue with your son? Many kids learn whining from their parents. That's right. We often whine back and reply with statements like, "Stop whining-I hate it when you whine!" Then, we may give in to our kid's demands just to stop the awful whining behavior. If you feel like you are drawn into the whining behavior, you need to work on your response to your child. Keep the tone of your voice calm and your expectations clear and to the point. In reality, your child may have a reasonable request. The problem is the way in which he is addressing you. So, you might say something like, "Why don't you go to your room and practice asking without whining. Then you can come back and try again." The point is to let your child know that you won't address his needs when he asks in a whining tone of voice. If your son is pretty young, lets say age 4-6, then you might repeat his request back to him in a calm voice and prompt him with, "Let's try that again without whining."
 

Most importantly, realize that changing behavior takes time. Be patient and calm when dealing with your son. Don't forget to catch him being good. Sometimes, rewarding a child's positive behavior will be enough to make change happen. Give him positive feedback when he uses words without whining. You might say, ?Boy, I like how you asked for that without whining!? Take a look at our page on 75 Ways to Say Good Job.  Best of luck!!
 

When Behavior Charts Don't Seem To Work

Behavior charts don't seem to work for my daughter. She gets more upset when she doesn't get her "sticker". Should I stop using them?
-Laurie, Kansas

First, you might want to reevaluate your chart. Are your expectations too high? Can your daughter be successful with the chart you set up? Did your daughter help you pick the rewards? Will the rewards motivate her? These are all important questions you need to ask when setting up your behavior chart. Setting up a chart takes time and a bit of readjustment now and then. Take a look at our page on Using Behavior Charts.

If you decide that a chart just isn't working, that's o.k. Charts aren't the best method for all kids. Continue to be positive, and give your daughter
encouragement for at least trying the chart. Try to complete the week you set up to model consistency for her. Then, try some other options. Maybe you can go back to a behavior chart at a later time. Maybe not. The most important thing
is to stay positive.

When Do I Stop The Chart?

My son really likes the rewards of his behavior chart, but his behavior has already gotten better. When do I end the chart?
Helen, Ohio

It's great that your son had a positive experience with his behavior chart!  When your child's target behavior is achieved, you can stop the chart.  Finish out the chart for the week. And, even though you see your child demonstrating the target behavior, use the chart another week or two to reinforce the behavior and give your child some time to practice. Then, you can stop. Let him know what a great job he did on the chart, and if he enjoys it, start working on another behavior.
 

Can You Give Me A Free Reward Chart For My Kids?

Amy, England

Amy, you are free to print off any of our charts and printables right from our website.  They are free of charge.  If you run into any problems printing, drop us an email and we'll try to help you work it out!

How To Help A Child Who Enjoys Being A Troublemaker

I'm working with a child who says he "enjoys" being a "troublemaker!" but that he
wants to improve his behavior (he really is sweet-spirited, he just needs some
direction).  He loves attention, loves to talk out of turn in school because he
feels class is boring - he's a 4th grader.  Any ideas of what might help him realize
that being a "troublemaker" isn't positive attention-getting!? :)  Thanks!

Jennifer, NC

Jennifer,

First of all, you might want to consider an academic evaluation. If he is truly bored, he may qualify for gifted services. This all depends on his teacher's recommendation and how he is performing academically.  He may need some additional challenges in the classroom to keep him busy.  Set up some activities that he can do when his work is completed like reading, drawing, or working on a classroom computer.

You might also examine how the teacher is handling classroom management. Are there consequences for talking out of turn or distracting other students? Is the class as a whole well behaved or does the classroom feel chaotic? The teacher may need to improve behavior management techniques for the whole class.

Perhaps the teacher/parent/school counselor can work together to set up an incentive chart. Maybe he can earn a special lunch with a school staff person or a treat from a treasure box for good behavior.  Another idea is to have positive behavior coupons that his teacher can hand out randomly during the day to recognize any positive behavior that he exhibits. These can be small bits of paper with "great job" written on them...something easy. Every time a school staff person notices that he does something positive, give him a coupon. 

Ultimately, the way to help a child realize that his troublemaking behavior is not going to get him positive attention is to reward his positive behavior. The more we reward and recognize a child's positive behavior, the more they seek that reward by repeating the behavior.

Finally, if change doesn't happen at school, then there may be problems at home that are interfering. Attention getting behavior at school may be a signal that he is not getting the attention he needs at home.  Many kids would rather get negative attention than no attention at all. In order to address this possibility and assess the family dynamics, a trained counselor needs to meet with the family to explore what is going on at home. Best of luck!

Four Year Old Wetting Pants

I am a step parent, but have no children of my own. The 4 year old boy is wetting his pants more and more frequently. At first I thought it was because he was "too busy" playing to be bothered. Now I am beginning to wonder if it's because his mom keeps trying to tell him that he is a baby and his dad and I are trying to tell him he is a big boy. Or is there something going on emotionally possibly with the new "families"? I have no idea whether or not to make a deal out of this or ignore it, or what to do to try and get it to stop. Or is it normal for 4 year old boys to wet their pants?

-Canada

First, thank you for being such a caring step parent. This little boy is very fortunate to have you as a new addition to the family! There are many factors to consider in this situation. What age was the child when he became completely potty trained? Many boys don't completely potty train until they are 3-4 years old. In that case, it would be perfectly normal for the child to slip and wet his pants occasionally. Next, what time of day does the wetting occur? Nighttime wetting is more likely caused by the lack of maturation of the child's nerves that supply the bladder...a purely physical cause. Thus, the child fails to wake up when the bladder needs to be emptied.

Most likely, though, your step son is having some moments of relapse due to stress. He could definitely be reacting to the emotional stress of having a new step parent and receiving different messages from different parents. At this age, kids often struggle with the idea of being a "big kid". There is some safety and security when they are "the baby" and moving out of toddlerhood means leaving that security. In this case, kids may revert back to "baby" behaviors such as sucking thumbs, wetting pants, using baby talk, etc. In addition, if your step son is feeling insecure with his new family situation, he may be seeking the security of some of those old behaviors.

The mixed messages are probably very confusing to him. It is in his best interest if all parents are on the same page and give him the same message and lots of reassurance and support. Becoming angry will only make matters worse and cause additional stress. At times, kids will continue certain behaviors just to keep a sense of control in their lives. So, make sure that none of the parents involved in power struggles by getting angry at him for wetting. 


If the parents involved are having difficulty getting along and cannot resolve issues, you may want to seek the help of a family counselor. Your step son may also benefit from checking in with a counselor. You can try a behavior chart with him and reward him when he stays dry. Set the chart up for small periods of dry time and gradually increase your expectations. For example, you might start the chart on a weekend and concentrate on staying dry from the time he gets up in the morning until lunch time. Then, keep track of the period between lunch and bed and then through the night. Gradually work up to the expectation that he stay dry all day. Keep in mind, though, if he is wetting due to stress, the best therapy for him is to receive lots of love and support along with cohesive, unified parents. As he becomes more adjusted to the changes in his life, his wetting will decrease.

Finally, in rare cases, wetting can be a sign of a medical problem. In a small percentage of kids, urinary tract infections and even diabetes can cause wetting. So, if your step son's wetting persists you should check in with your family physician. You may want to check in anyway just to rule out these physical problems.

Best of luck with your new step son!

Parenting A Child With ADHD And Three Siblings

How do you handle a child with ADHD and have 3 other siblings?

Maria, New Jersey

Maria,

It sounds like you are overwhelmed with parenting your child with ADHD as well as your other children. We can't give you a magic formula for managing your difficult situation as there are many factors involved and much information that we are lacking. What we can do is suggest some ways in which you get support for yourself.

First, are you working with a family counselor? If not, you might want to consider finding a counselor to help give you some parenting pointers and support. A good place to start is your child's school counselor. You may be able to check in with that person or get a referral. Does your child's school offer any parenting classes or have any type of parent resource center? That might also be a good place to start. Many communities offer free parenting classes. And, you may want to join a support group for parents. Support groups are great places to vent frustrations, get support, and find additional resources.

To start, here are a couple websites that may lead you in the right direction:

Parent To Parent is a parent support organization for parents by parents. It is geared toward parents of children with disabilities. We suggest you get in touch with New Jersey Statewide Parent To Parent. In addition, here is the website for the Family Support Center of New Jersey. This is a huge data base listing services and support in your area also geared toward families with disabled children. 

Next, are you getting time away from the kids? Do you have family/friends who can watch the kids while you take a break or get out for a while? Take a look at our article on stress management tips for parents. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it's probably a sign that you need to take care of yourself and prevent your own stress from getting in the way of parenting.

We also offer some ADHD parenting tips on our website. Here, on our questions and answers page, we have answered a few questions regarding parenting kids with ADHD. Look above the questions section for a list of topics. And, we also have a couple articles called Tips For Parenting ADHD and Spirited Kids, and ADHD and Children: Unlocking the Secrets To Good Behavior. Check those out for some tips in dealing with issues around ADHD.

In addition, our website promotes two great parenting programs. We highly recommend The Total Transformation and The Total Focus. The Total Transformation is a program designed to help parents with general parenting tips, ideas, and tricks and manage difficult behavior. The Total Focus is geared toward parents or caregivers of kids with ADHD. Both have free trials. Just click the name of the program in purple within this paragraph for more information. 

Best of luck with your kids and hope this helps a bit!

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